Bandwagon Application: Arizona Diamondbacks

Dear Arizona Diamondbacks,

Congratulations on your National League West Division Championship!  I wish you the best of luck in the playoffs.

I am so impressed with your accomplishments that I am requesting a seat on your bandwagon.  I hope I am not too late in writing this, and that you still have room for a pastor from Pittsburgh who spends days and nights praying for the hopeless cause of the Pirates.  If there is still room, will you have me?

Attached is a resume detailing my qualifications for joining the Diamondbacks bandwagon.  If accepted, I promise to ride your bandwagon at least through the National League playoffs, and perhaps the World Series, depending on which team emerges from the American League.

Thank you in advance for considering me for any openings, and I look forward to the opportunity to sit on your bandwagon for many, many days – perhaps even 2-3 weeks.

Encl: Resume for Erik Hoeke

Erik A. Hoeke

Qualifications

• Fan of National League Baseball
• Hatred of the Milwaukee Brewers, specifically Cryin’ Ryan Braun, and Prince Fielder, the world’s largest vegetarian since the brontosaurus
• Disdain for St. Louis Cardinals
• Desire to see Phillies collapse despite a massive payroll and sense of entitlement

Education

• Dedicated viewer of Major League Baseball
• Avid reader of Sports Illustrated
• Frequent visitor to baseballreference.com, baseballprospectus.com, and mlbtraderumors.com

Experience

• Tampa Bay Rays bandwagon jumper, October 2008 to present
• Boston Red Sox bandwagon jumper, October 2004 to when BoSox fans started getting annoying.
• Arizona Diamondbacks bandwagon jumper, October 2001

Awards and Honors

• Chair, Hospitality Committee of Pittsburgh Pirates bandwagon, June-July 2011
• Gold Member, Bandwagon Jumpers of North America, 1983-present

Interests: Kirk Gibson, Daniel Hudson, Justin Upton, seeing overpaid teams lose, swimming pools behind the RF wall.