Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Monday, May 24, 2010

Two

Two years ago, I married the most wonderful woman in the world. Life has been nothing short of amazing over these two years. In that time, we've hiked through mountains, beaches, cliffs, canyons, and volcanoes together. We've attended baseball, football, basketball, and hockey games. We've seen plays, musicals, and concerts. We've traveled to urban centers of civilization, and escaped into uninhabited landscapes. We've shared the joys of marriage and new birth in the lives of siblings and friends. We've begun a new life together in West Newton. I am amazed at the memories we've made in such a short period of time.

But perhaps the best memories of all are the less spectacular ones. Sitting on the porch swing and listening to the ballgame on the radio. Taking an evening walk through town. Watching old movies. Standoffs about who must do the dishes. Laughing for hours at our ridiculous cats. Staging epic ping-pong battles for the best prize of all: bragging rights. Tripping over each other every night as we brush our teeth in our incredibly small bathroom.

It's been a great 2 years, and I am just as madly in love with Lisa Joy Lindquist Hoeke as I was the day I met her - the freshman girl bold enough to hang a Terrible Towel on her dorm room door in the heart of Cleveland Browns territory. We share an anniversary with two couples in our congregation: one celebrating 35 years of marriage today, the other celebrating 60 years. Here's hoping we make it through another 58 years.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Spoiling a Good Thing

Sermon for Sunday, Oct. 4 (World Communion Sunday)
Scripture: Mark 10:2-16

I was sitting in my office a couple weeks ago, when I decided to look ahead and see what the lectionary readings were for today, World Communion Sunday. I imagined some wonderful scripture about unity in the spirit, loving one another, being at peace with our neighbors – something with a real unifying, loving message, something perfect for a Sunday in which we celebrate the worldwide nature of the Christian Church. Imagine my disappointment and surprise, then, when I discovered the nature of this morning’s gospel lesson. Divorce? On World Communion Sunday? Really?

“Maybe I’ll preach on the Old Testament text,” I thought to myself. But then I discovered the OT text is the story of Job losing everything. We’re 0 for 2 on easily preachable texts. So I turned to the epistle lesson – Hebrews. “Oh, I can make that work,” I said. But after awhile, I finally decided to preach on the Mark text, the discussions on divorce between the Pharisees and Jesus and the disciples and Jesus. After all, this is why I practice the discipline of lectionary preaching – sometimes I’m forced to preach texts I’d really rather not wrestle with from the pulpit. But that’s the hand we’re dealt today, and so we must begin our exploration into the subject of divorce.

Let me start by saying what this sermon is not. This sermon is not a polemic on one side or the other of the debate about whether or not divorce is okay for Christians. I will not stand here and tell you the moral standing of divorced persons, and I will not tell you that either side of the debate places anyone on moral high ground. As we see right off the bat in this text, the argument over whether divorce is permissible, proper, legal, or even Christian is the argument of the Pharisees. They wish to engage Jesus in debate and see who Jesus will side with. Such a Pharisaic debate is not our concern this morning. Jesus refused to get sucked into such a debate, and I will not allow us to get sucked in this morning.

Regardless of how you feel about the properness or morality of divorce, the reality is that each one of us knows someone who has been through a divorce at some time. Divorce is so common in our society that this is a fact that we cannot ignore – each of us knows someone affected by divorce. That is the first reality we must admit this morning. The second is that divorce is a human institution – it is a human concept, a human decision, a word serving as a label for one type of broken relationship. Divorce signifies a broken relationship with little to no possibility of reconciliation. There are times when marriages reach a point where divorce is really the only option.

And as with all broken relationships, there is a great amount of pain and hurt involved. This is the third and final reality we dace. Divorce is not some impersonal moral dilemma. It is a deeply personal, deeply troubling thing – and the hurting persons in the midst of that struggle should be our focus. So as Christians intent on sharing God’s love, our concern with divorce should not be whether it is the right decision, or whether it should be allowed. Rather, we are called first and foremost to concern ourselves with and to be in ministry with those who are hurting in these difficult times.

The Pharisees could not resist the human temptation to debate this moral dilemma of divorce. They ask Jesus, point blank, “As the leader of a new religious sect, what is your take on divorce? What’s your divorce agenda? Do you think it’s okay for people to get divorced?”

Jesus, sensing the Pharisees’ real motive is to test him, draws the attention toward the divorce laws found in the Torah – in Deuteronomy 24. As the Pharisees proudly assert, these laws written by Moses allowed a man to divorce his wife, even if the reason for divorce was that she wasn’t pleasing to him anymore. But then Jesus explains to them the reality about the divorce laws in Deuteronomy: Moses created these laws, not God. The men displeased with their wives created divorce, not God. And humans are concerned with the debate about divorce, not God.

These divorce laws in the Torah arose from human debates that Moses was called on to settle. As Jesus is teaching the Pharisees, the laws of Torah do not necessarily reflect God’s will. God doesn’t want divorce to occur. Divorce is never part of God’s plan. But what that REALLY means is that the actions that lead to failed marriages are never part of God’s plan. God created the covenant of marriage, and we humans created the covenant of divorce. We created it by failing to live up to God’s expectations. Very soon after God established marriage, we humans found ways to destroy those relationships, and to this day we humans do things that break the marriage relationship beyond the point of reconciliation. We commit adultery. We abuse our spouse – physically, verbally, or emotionally. We fail to treat our spouse as an equal partner. We fight with our spouses. We keep things from our spouses. We neglect our spouses. We tolerate our spouses rather than love them to the fullest of our ability. We act as the flawed people we are. And every marriage has flaws. Every marriage is damaged by our sinful, human actions from time to time. And none of that, whether or not it leads to divorce, was ever God’s will.

Our human sinfulness has brought divorce into the realm of possibility. And because of our human sinfulness, in some instances divorce is the only decision left. But here’s what Jesus is trying to get the Pharisees to understand: while we humans are concentrating on divorce, God is concerned with marriage. Our focus is in the wrong place when we get into the debate about divorce. The Pharisees focus is in the wrong place when they try to goad Jesus into the debate about divorce. Notice that when they ask Jesus his thoughts on divorce, he quickly moves the discussion to God’s thoughts on marriage.

You see, the Pharisees are asking the wrong question. They want to know what happens when a marriage has crumbled to the point where it cannot be saved. But Jesus points out God’s intentions for marriage, and that the real question they should be asking is how they can avoid marriages from crumbling in the first place. When we entrench ourselves in the debate about divorce, we neglect the more important issue: why are marriages reaching points of irreconcilable differences in the first place? What are we doing to create the human need for a Deuteronomical divorce law? More than focusing on broken relationships, we should be focusing on prevention of broken relationships.

If we followed God more closely in our marriages, Jesus wouldn’t have to weigh in on the divorce debate. If we took better care of our marriages, if we really loved our spouses like we should be, then Moses would never have needed to write up a process by which we can get certificates of divorce. If we just listen to God in the first place and actually love one another, this debate wouldn’t be a reality in our world.
It’s a matter of preventative care. The Pharisees only concern themselves with what happens when our marriages are deathly ill. But Jesus tells them that with the proper preventative care, sometimes the death of a marriage can be avoided. So the question before us is not about the location of divorce on the moral compass. We are not to be concerned with such frivolous debates in this arena. The question before us goes much deeper. For those of us that are married, the question is, “What am I doing to strengthen my marriage? What am I doing to prevent this relationship from breaking down?” For those of us that are not married, the question is, “What am I doing to help others strengthen their marriages? What am I doing to prevent marriage relationships from breaking down? And if I do marry in the future, what will I do to build up that relationship rather than tearing it down?”

The reality we face today is that there are some things in our world that God simply doesn’t weigh in on. There are some things in our world, created by our sinfulness, that God does not give us a clear answer about. Divorce is one of those things. We are left to wrestle with the question on our own, without the straightforward answer we desire. We may not like it, and we may not understand it, but try as we might, we can’t always get God to answers the questions we bring before the throne. All we can do is seek to live into God’s will for our lives, seek to live in relationships that never require an end, and most of all, the best thing for us to do is seek to live in peace with one another. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Monday, May 25, 2009

A Weekend to Remember

To keep this short, my Friday and Saturday were eventful. I listed my car on craigslist (yes, we're selling the Maxima), I led the most difficult funeral I've done so far, I went bowling while Lisa had to attend a baby shower, and I watched the Pens game with Chip, my college roommate.

Sunday morning, we had an Aldersgate Day celebration at the church. For those of you who don't know what that is, ask your local United Methodist Clergy. If he or she doesn't know, demand they be stripped of their ordination immediately. We sang wonderfully written Charles Wesley hymns, and I read selections from John Wesley's "Salvation By Faith," one of his first sermons preached after the events of May 24, 1738.

Afterwards, our congregation threw a first anniversary dinner for Lisa and me. So that was fun. It was kinda like our wedding reception: they made us cut the cake together, we got to eat first, and we wanted to sit at every table and visit with loved ones, but instead had to sit up front. Last night, we watched our wedding video for the first time. We laughed, we cried, we danced in the living room, and we remembered how blessed we are to have such wonderful family and friends in our lives.

And today, of course, is Memorial Day. To be honest, I think this is the first time I've ever actually recognized it as more than just the first day of summer. As a child, we never got too much into celebrating any patriotic holiday beyond July 4th. And through college and seminary, this time has always been marked by transition -- getting ready for a summer job, graduating, moving to and fro around PA, Ohio, and Georgia, and even getting married on one occasion. So it was nice to watch the parade and attend the Memorial Day service here in town this year. The cemetery is beautiful all year, but especially so this week.

As a pastor, I always feel like I'm tiptoeing cautiously through these patriotic holidays and seasons. During worship yesterday, we sang one of the patriotic hymns because the worship committee insisted. During the community service today, the community singers sang "God Bless America," and the Baptist minister offered an invocation and benediction. I find it difficult to express patriotism while still ultimately directing all my praise to Jesus Christ. This is much easier to do in non-ecclesial settings like the cemetery this morning, where I can just be a proud citizen thanking God for allowing us the many great freedoms we enjoy here. And today, I can honor and remember those who have paid the price for my earthly freedom. This can be done without claiming our land is more Christian than other nations -- without claiming God favors the good old U.S.A. I am certain he does not favor us, and does not dole out grace only to countries where Christianity is alive and well (and even that is debatable these days).

However, worship is more difficult. Each week, I preach from an altar area flanked by a Christian flag on one side and an American flag on the other. Several months ago, I reluctantly allowed the local girl scout troop to lead us in the pledge of allegiance at the beginning of worship. And yesterday, I let us sing an opening anthem proclaiming our love for our country, sweet land of liberty, asking that our land may long be bright with freedom's holy light, and that God may protect us by his might. While singing, I silently prayed for forgiveness if I was in any way praising my country rather than my Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer.

If I had my way, there'd be no flag in the sanctuary. There'd be no cute little girl scouts leading us in the pledge unless we were in a cemetery park, as we were this morning. And there would be no "hymns" sung in praise of our country while we were gathered for the express purpose of praising God alone. My patriotism has no role in public worship, because when I worship God, I want to be sure it is only as a citizen of his kingdom.

I'm still wrestling with how to walk this fine line between recognizing how blessed we are by God to live in this great nation, while being sure not to mistake God's blessings for God's favoritism. Our freedoms here in the U.S.A. are not signs that God loves us any more or less than the people of any other nation. May God bless our land, but may he also bless every other land as well.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

When the Cat's Away...

...the mice will play. That's how the saying goes, anyway. And when the wife's away, the husband will eat unhealthily. That's my saying.

Since we married, Lisa has been very good about insisting we eat healthy. You know, a bowl of rabbit food with every meal, vegetables without butter on them, eating fruit instead of candy for snacks, etc. But tonight, she's out Christmas shopping for yours truly. Which means I got an early Christmas gift -- dinner on my own.

At first, I was going to be moderately responsible. She doesn't like Chinese food, and it's been forever since I've had good Chinese (there's NO good Chinese food in the South!). It was the perfect chance to get what I like without subjecting her to eating something she doesn't like. But the closest Chinese restaurant is more than 15 minutes away, and I didn't feel like driving in the snow to go get it.

So, on to Dinner Plan B. I went to the store, grabbed the necessary ingredients, and made the following sandwich:

1/4 lb. patty ground beef
1/4 lb. patty hot sausage
2 eggs over easy - placed in between the patties
2 slices American cheese
All on a sesame seed hoagie roll.
Pasta shells in an alfredo sauce on the side.

Now that, my friends, is a meal.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's a Wonderful Wife

Another sign I married well. In regards to this, I just had the following conversation with my wife on GMail:

Lisa: we don't get to hit brady quinn
me: I heard.
Lisa: that makes me sad

I performed a marriage reaffirmation ceremony last night for a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. As long as Lisa and I continue to have conversations like this, I think we'll make it to 50 as well.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Heroes

Season 3 of Heroes begins tonight. However, my lovely wife thinks even While You Were Sleeping has too much violence, what with the subway almost hitting someone and Bill Pullman slipping on ice. Since she has no interest in watching good TV, I have two choices tonight:

1. Spend 3 hours watching the red carpet special and the 2-hour premiere of a suspenseful, intense, theological drama of dramas, or...
2. Wake up on Tuesday still married.

With this dilemma as well as the Steelers playing on Monday night next week, it looks as though I'll have to watch Heroes by myself on my computer in secret for the first few episodes..."While Lisa Is Sleeping."